You were my best friend, for the first five years of my life. I think you were first given to me to keep my bottle warm. You'd hold it, your body wrapped around its plastic edges, and you made sure that the milk I drank would not become cold. I hated cold milk, it made me barf, and I guess you knew that. But... thinking clearly, I don't think you were given to me, I think you were Her's. But when She threw you away I guess you had nowhere to go, and I guess I was in need of a friend. We were like peas and carrots, you and I. Everywhere I went, you went with me, even if it was to kindergarten and I had to hide you in my bag.
At one point your eyes came off. They were made of felt. Mum promised she would sew them back but I guess she never did. I lost the pieces I think. A few days later it was your nose. I remember crying my eyes out when that happened. I brought you to mum, but I think by then I had lost the piece as well. I gave you new eyes though , and a new nose. I didn't have felt so I drew it on with a ball point pen and a white board marker. For a couple of days you smelt funny from the ink, but I kept lugging you around anyway. Or...at least that's what I remember today.
It's sorta funny how a person can sorta just grow out of things. You were the thing I held on to on those nights when giants waged war in the skies. The face that always smiled back at me when we kept at bay the monsters from under the bed. You would always check first, I remember. You'd volunteer to be lowered from a string to check if the coast was clear before I planted my feet on the floor. You were brave, brave like I could never be. We fought dragons together. Ogres. Beasts. Once when I was three, I nearly died from fever. I don't remember much that night, except that your face was the first thing I saw when I woke up in the hospital. You'd told me i'd be okay.
But one day I just grew out of you I guess. One day I stopped carrying you around, and then, eventually you were banished to the wooden box along with all the other toys. Momentos from a bygone era. I think of you often, sometimes. Now, when my life is being plagued by new troubles. REAL troubles. Unlike our make believe dragons and ogres. I wonder, often where you are now. You'd be old though, by now. I wonder if you need new eyes? And perhaps a new nose? I would glady give you new ones. I think I can sew quite well now. No more marker and ball point pens. Perhaps button eyes? Or do you prefer simle beads?
Are you hiding somewhere in the attic, in one of the cardboard boxes just waiting for me to discover you again? Or did I leave you in the Old Place when we shifted? Perhaps someone found you. Perhaps you're now offering comfort to some other little boy. I wouldn't mind as much. But in any case, I'm going to search. It is probably futile, and I'll probably never see you again, but at least I'd tried. At least I attempted,
to look for you;
my best friend
my sidekick
my...bunny.
a little green rabbit, made out of rags and felt, with one ear hanging lower than the other.
