Someone I know died yesterday. Why don't I feel sad? Why don't I feel anything? Maybe it's coz we were never really close, but does that make me a monster? Does going to school with someone - just going to school with them- mean that I am obliged to be sad at their funeral? I mean...they were practically a stranger. Practically, I say, because we did speak one or two words to each other...in passing. But yes, I don't cry for strangers, no matter how tragic their deaths. I just don't. So...should I feel sad at their deaths? Should I cry? Should I weep at a lost of a friend, even though I use the term in the broadest sense?
Why don't I feel sad? Is it because I am too absorbed with myself? I know I have my own problems...but hey, I guess nothing can top Death. Or..is death ironically, the answer? Some answer...I'm not into Death. I don't plan to go anytime soon. People keep talking about how young you were, and how you were "just alive a few hours ago."
Well, I think, people are usually just alive before they die anyway... and you certainly won't be the first young person to ever bite the dust. How did you die, I wonder? What were the details? But then again does it really make a difference if you had died in a murder, or if it was just another case of drunk driving? You're dead, and that's all there is to it.
I guess it just happens. To all of us. You never know. I could get hit by a car today. Or tomorrow. A bird could fall out of the sky and give me a concussion. Would it matter how I died? The fact remains that I am dead. Would dying in a car accident make my death any less painful than being hit on the head by a comatose bird plummeting to earth at godly speeds.
And at my funeral...I wonder who would be crying? Who would be there? How many faces I know will I see standing over my open casket, weeping their eyes out as they lower me into the ground? Will they even weep? Who will read my eulogy? What would they say? Who would volunteer to plant the seed over my grave? Will everyone have good things to say, or bad things?
How long, will you say my name before I too, fade into the fiction of the world of memory, before someone misconstrues one of my actions or something I said, and there is no one present who can contest or agree with it? Or will they just opt to not show up, to not cry and not be sad because I was just the guy they went to school with. The "friend", in the broadest sense of the word.
What happens then? Should I be mad? Should I care? I don't see how it'd matter. I'd be dead.
PEACE OUT
