In Defence of Feminism
Dear readers beforehand I apologize for the lengthiness of this post. But it is extremely informative and I believe this is something that affects all of us, so please be patient with me
*In retrospect I have now included graphics to further ease the transition through my ranty and lengthy style of writing.*
There's nothing more frustrating, and I'm sure you agree with me, to go into a discussion ( a discussion mind you, not even an argument...yet) with a person whose already made up his or her own mind.
Here's what happened, I was overhearing a discussion a colleague of mine was having with one of her acquaintences about the feminist movement when I noticed that it was getting decidedly heated and decided then, to interject to try and cool things down. The nature of the discussion-turn-argument was this; her acquaintence had made a rather blanket statement about women that she found rather insulting. He says, and I quote;
"Feminism started because just a small group of fucked up women who were disastisfied with their husbands started to talk shit and this made the other women rise up and now they've fucked up the entire system"
Now, as a feminist myself I find that extremely offensive and short-sighted of him. Indeed then I interjected myself into the conversation and politely inquired him as to what he meant by that. Thinking that perhaps I was there to take his side of the argument he gave a smile and continued
"They fucked up the entire system man! All this bullshit about women having same rights and all that, putting men beneath them...its bullshit man! I mean you agree with me right bro?"
Unfortunately I didn't take too kindly to being called "bro" especially in relation to this particular individual we were talking with, but I swallowed the poison that had begun to rise in my throat and replied instead curtly that I completely disagreed. The individual looked flabbergasted, no doubt his mind was having trouble comprehending the idea of a male-feminist...a MALE feminist!!! Boy I must have looked like such the little betrayer of my sex in his eyes.
He goes on
"You don't need this fucking feminism bullshit man! Its all just bullshit! These inequalities and all that with women, they will change with time, you jsut have to be patient."
I would like to admit to a little guilt here and that is the person in question was of African descent and so decided to bring out the one card I knew he would have no problem relating to.
"Do you mean like racism?
I prompted.
"Yes, exactly like Racism! These things will sort themselves out. If you are as unfortunate to be born in a time when its happening, well too bad for you. But we don't need these fucking feminists to change things. It will sort itself out"
At this point my colleague interjects. She points out to him what he should already know about his own people's history; that if not for people like Martin Luther King and Toni Morrison and all the other African Americans who have spoken up against the injustices against the Africans, he himself by virtue of being African would probably still be subject to the indignities of slavery. Similarly, if feminists had not spoken out against the social injustices that have imposed themselves upon women, women would not be afforded the same forms of social mobility and equality that some of them have now. How are people going to change for the better, if those who are wronged do not speak up for themselves? You cannot change when you don't know something is wrong right? He seemed stunned by this (especially about the racism) so we took the opportunity to continue.
I began to tell him that the feminist movement has now become more than what he believed to be anti-male propoganda, and that it also considered male-perspectives, the ways in which men have been trapped- he stops me here
"See! Men are being trapped too...and you don't see us having things like feminists right!"
To which I point out that we have to look at the nature of the entrapment. Indeed men are trapped but that is only because of the severely limiting nature of the heteropatriarchal discourse that men have imposed upon women, and by proxy themselves.
I will unpack the term for you, my dear readers, in case you were wondering what this mouthful of alphabets mean. The term heteropatriarchal, quite literally stems from two words "heterosexual" and "patriarchal" in that sense it is limited not only to men, but precisely, those who are gendered masculine and indeed those who are straight.
And of course this brings with itself an entire chest of complications and limitations too, especially when we consider the notion on alternate masculinities. Now, when I talk about alternate masculinities I am not just talking about effeminate men, or indeed masculine women (although they are definitely included) I'm also talking about racialized masculinities. Every culture has a different meaning of what it means to be a man, although as we shall see, in predominant masculine heteropatriarchal discourse, what it means to be a "man" is always measured up to the notion of the "white-middle-class" masculine body. This is precisely why black-masculinities are considered excessive, even monstrouls and asian-masculinities insufficient. But of course there are general rules to this discourse, the classical one being women are the "weaker" or "fairer sex" which automatically places men in the position of strength - a notion which, as much as we choose to deny it has become as "natural" to us as it is to wear pants for boys and not skirts.
But quite similarly then, when we look at the nature of gendered jobs, how because of this notion some jobs are gendered more masculine (and tehrefore innapropriate for women) and others, more masculine (and not suitable for "real" men) then can we see how the heteropatriarchal discourse has limited the choices which contain very real effects on our embodied lived experiences. The person stares at me for second and then ignores this - what I believe to be - very valid point. Instead he targets again my colleague.
"You know what its all about? Its all about fucking power. You women just wanna grab power!"
At this point my colleague snaps. And although she answered in frustration, I can see that there are truth to her words. I shall therefore quote them here. She said;
Of course it is about power! It is about the power men, specifically heterosexual men have imposed their heteropatriarchal norms upon women and sexualised others! So yes, it is about us trying to grab power, to grab the power to decide what we want to do with our own lives without some man telling us what we should wear, what behaviour is proper, what jobs we shouldn't take, whether or not we should stay at home and be "good wives". It is about us fighting for the rights to education, the rights to opportunity, the rights to jobs. The simple right to live. Are you saying that is asking for too much? Why should the heterosexual man speak for women and everyone else who is different? IT IS BULLSHIT!
I silently applaud her. His brow darkens though and he retorts, almost violently this time
"Fine! I'll make YOU president of Uganda. Then you go and take all the men out of the army and let the women fight the war. Then you will see that you women cannot do shit without us!"
By this I am beginning to get frustrated and tired with the conversation so I simply point out that the very articulation of his argument from a masculine bias already supports everything my colleague and I have said earlier about feminism. I even reminded him, gently, that feminism today looks too at the lived experiences of men that are trapped in this seemingly "natural" state of things that attempts to categorize people into these fixed spaces which is anything but. Bitterly he insists
"I am NOT coming from a male bias. I'm just talking common sense. Women cannot do things without men."
I am tempted to point out the fallacy of this statement. Quite simply in that his arguments have centered around nothing but the two distinct categories of male vs. female...regardless of our attempts to bring it back to show how in the larger context BOTH men and women are being trapped by these heteropatriarchal discourses... but you know what, dear reader, there is one abiding fact and that is that I quite simply cannot stomach such people. There is little point in trying to explain yourself to someone who has already decided against your "guilt". My colleague and I, we are the sinners in his eyes, the deviants. And nothing we do or say is going to change that.
Now you may consider it pressumptious of me, but my dear readers I can only come to the conclusion that his almost violent outburst towards my colleague and myself (despite the fact that it was he who started this discussion-turn-argument) was quite simply because perhaps he is one of the few who feel themselves "secure" in the heteropatriarchal discourse which I have discussed earlier, and as frustrating and emotionally taxing as it got, in retrospect I see now that it is perhaps a good sign, that these people are getting defensive can only mean one thing; that the feminist movement, that people like my colleague and myself have succeeded in reshaping the way of thigns, in getting people to question things sufficiently to shake the very security of the heteropatriarchal discourse that has always been considered "normal". And of course, it is not.
Quite simply, the truth of the matter is, feminism (against what might be suggested) is no longer limited strictly to the advocacy of women's rights (nor is it the elavation of women's status as superior to men). True it criticizes the masculine heteropatriarchal discourse that governs modern society, but only because they continue to negatively affect the lived experiences of women, and men as well, not just heterosexual, but also gays, lesbians and transgendered or intersexed individuals. It therefore, is NOT A FORM OF STRAIGHT MALE BASHING and DOES NOT SEEK TO MAKE DEMONS OUT OF STRAIGHT MEN, as so many people misconstrue, and this is something that I would like to point out, especially to my male readers. The matter of the fact is, that feminism today has expanded to look at the specific ways in which all of us - as gendered and sexualized individuals, because we all of us are - have been entrapped by the dominant heteropatriarchal discourse, and indeed how it has hampered and severely limited the agency with which we can choose to live our lives. To reiterate my colleague;
Yes, it is about power, the power to decide what we want to do with our own lives, for indeed, why should the heterosexual masculinised man speak on behalf of women, gays, lesbians, transgendered individuals, other men and intersexed people? It is indeed, as they say, a pile of bull feces.
*note I had recorded the conversation as I thought it would be useful for discussion. In retrospect it was perhaps unethical of me though, I would say that I made a fair compromise by not divulging any names*
~ actions speak louder than words ~
Cyren.
Dear readers beforehand I apologize for the lengthiness of this post. But it is extremely informative and I believe this is something that affects all of us, so please be patient with me
*In retrospect I have now included graphics to further ease the transition through my ranty and lengthy style of writing.*
There's nothing more frustrating, and I'm sure you agree with me, to go into a discussion ( a discussion mind you, not even an argument...yet) with a person whose already made up his or her own mind.
Here's what happened, I was overhearing a discussion a colleague of mine was having with one of her acquaintences about the feminist movement when I noticed that it was getting decidedly heated and decided then, to interject to try and cool things down. The nature of the discussion-turn-argument was this; her acquaintence had made a rather blanket statement about women that she found rather insulting. He says, and I quote;
"Feminism started because just a small group of fucked up women who were disastisfied with their husbands started to talk shit and this made the other women rise up and now they've fucked up the entire system"
Now, as a feminist myself I find that extremely offensive and short-sighted of him. Indeed then I interjected myself into the conversation and politely inquired him as to what he meant by that. Thinking that perhaps I was there to take his side of the argument he gave a smile and continued
"They fucked up the entire system man! All this bullshit about women having same rights and all that, putting men beneath them...its bullshit man! I mean you agree with me right bro?"
Unfortunately I didn't take too kindly to being called "bro" especially in relation to this particular individual we were talking with, but I swallowed the poison that had begun to rise in my throat and replied instead curtly that I completely disagreed. The individual looked flabbergasted, no doubt his mind was having trouble comprehending the idea of a male-feminist...a MALE feminist!!! Boy I must have looked like such the little betrayer of my sex in his eyes.
He goes on"You don't need this fucking feminism bullshit man! Its all just bullshit! These inequalities and all that with women, they will change with time, you jsut have to be patient."
I would like to admit to a little guilt here and that is the person in question was of African descent and so decided to bring out the one card I knew he would have no problem relating to.
"Do you mean like racism?
I prompted.
"Yes, exactly like Racism! These things will sort themselves out. If you are as unfortunate to be born in a time when its happening, well too bad for you. But we don't need these fucking feminists to change things. It will sort itself out"
At this point my colleague interjects. She points out to him what he should already know about his own people's history; that if not for people like Martin Luther King and Toni Morrison and all the other African Americans who have spoken up against the injustices against the Africans, he himself by virtue of being African would probably still be subject to the indignities of slavery. Similarly, if feminists had not spoken out against the social injustices that have imposed themselves upon women, women would not be afforded the same forms of social mobility and equality that some of them have now. How are people going to change for the better, if those who are wronged do not speak up for themselves? You cannot change when you don't know something is wrong right? He seemed stunned by this (especially about the racism) so we took the opportunity to continue.
I began to tell him that the feminist movement has now become more than what he believed to be anti-male propoganda, and that it also considered male-perspectives, the ways in which men have been trapped- he stops me here
"See! Men are being trapped too...and you don't see us having things like feminists right!"
To which I point out that we have to look at the nature of the entrapment. Indeed men are trapped but that is only because of the severely limiting nature of the heteropatriarchal discourse that men have imposed upon women, and by proxy themselves.
I will unpack the term for you, my dear readers, in case you were wondering what this mouthful of alphabets mean. The term heteropatriarchal, quite literally stems from two words "heterosexual" and "patriarchal" in that sense it is limited not only to men, but precisely, those who are gendered masculine and indeed those who are straight.
And of course this brings with itself an entire chest of complications and limitations too, especially when we consider the notion on alternate masculinities. Now, when I talk about alternate masculinities I am not just talking about effeminate men, or indeed masculine women (although they are definitely included) I'm also talking about racialized masculinities. Every culture has a different meaning of what it means to be a man, although as we shall see, in predominant masculine heteropatriarchal discourse, what it means to be a "man" is always measured up to the notion of the "white-middle-class" masculine body. This is precisely why black-masculinities are considered excessive, even monstrouls and asian-masculinities insufficient. But of course there are general rules to this discourse, the classical one being women are the "weaker" or "fairer sex" which automatically places men in the position of strength - a notion which, as much as we choose to deny it has become as "natural" to us as it is to wear pants for boys and not skirts.
But quite similarly then, when we look at the nature of gendered jobs, how because of this notion some jobs are gendered more masculine (and tehrefore innapropriate for women) and others, more masculine (and not suitable for "real" men) then can we see how the heteropatriarchal discourse has limited the choices which contain very real effects on our embodied lived experiences. The person stares at me for second and then ignores this - what I believe to be - very valid point. Instead he targets again my colleague.
"You know what its all about? Its all about fucking power. You women just wanna grab power!"
At this point my colleague snaps. And although she answered in frustration, I can see that there are truth to her words. I shall therefore quote them here. She said;
Of course it is about power! It is about the power men, specifically heterosexual men have imposed their heteropatriarchal norms upon women and sexualised others! So yes, it is about us trying to grab power, to grab the power to decide what we want to do with our own lives without some man telling us what we should wear, what behaviour is proper, what jobs we shouldn't take, whether or not we should stay at home and be "good wives". It is about us fighting for the rights to education, the rights to opportunity, the rights to jobs. The simple right to live. Are you saying that is asking for too much? Why should the heterosexual man speak for women and everyone else who is different? IT IS BULLSHIT!
I silently applaud her. His brow darkens though and he retorts, almost violently this time
"Fine! I'll make YOU president of Uganda. Then you go and take all the men out of the army and let the women fight the war. Then you will see that you women cannot do shit without us!"
By this I am beginning to get frustrated and tired with the conversation so I simply point out that the very articulation of his argument from a masculine bias already supports everything my colleague and I have said earlier about feminism. I even reminded him, gently, that feminism today looks too at the lived experiences of men that are trapped in this seemingly "natural" state of things that attempts to categorize people into these fixed spaces which is anything but. Bitterly he insists
"I am NOT coming from a male bias. I'm just talking common sense. Women cannot do things without men."
I am tempted to point out the fallacy of this statement. Quite simply in that his arguments have centered around nothing but the two distinct categories of male vs. female...regardless of our attempts to bring it back to show how in the larger context BOTH men and women are being trapped by these heteropatriarchal discourses... but you know what, dear reader, there is one abiding fact and that is that I quite simply cannot stomach such people. There is little point in trying to explain yourself to someone who has already decided against your "guilt". My colleague and I, we are the sinners in his eyes, the deviants. And nothing we do or say is going to change that.
Now you may consider it pressumptious of me, but my dear readers I can only come to the conclusion that his almost violent outburst towards my colleague and myself (despite the fact that it was he who started this discussion-turn-argument) was quite simply because perhaps he is one of the few who feel themselves "secure" in the heteropatriarchal discourse which I have discussed earlier, and as frustrating and emotionally taxing as it got, in retrospect I see now that it is perhaps a good sign, that these people are getting defensive can only mean one thing; that the feminist movement, that people like my colleague and myself have succeeded in reshaping the way of thigns, in getting people to question things sufficiently to shake the very security of the heteropatriarchal discourse that has always been considered "normal". And of course, it is not.
Quite simply, the truth of the matter is, feminism (against what might be suggested) is no longer limited strictly to the advocacy of women's rights (nor is it the elavation of women's status as superior to men). True it criticizes the masculine heteropatriarchal discourse that governs modern society, but only because they continue to negatively affect the lived experiences of women, and men as well, not just heterosexual, but also gays, lesbians and transgendered or intersexed individuals. It therefore, is NOT A FORM OF STRAIGHT MALE BASHING and DOES NOT SEEK TO MAKE DEMONS OUT OF STRAIGHT MEN, as so many people misconstrue, and this is something that I would like to point out, especially to my male readers. The matter of the fact is, that feminism today has expanded to look at the specific ways in which all of us - as gendered and sexualized individuals, because we all of us are - have been entrapped by the dominant heteropatriarchal discourse, and indeed how it has hampered and severely limited the agency with which we can choose to live our lives. To reiterate my colleague;
Yes, it is about power, the power to decide what we want to do with our own lives, for indeed, why should the heterosexual masculinised man speak on behalf of women, gays, lesbians, transgendered individuals, other men and intersexed people? It is indeed, as they say, a pile of bull feces.
*note I had recorded the conversation as I thought it would be useful for discussion. In retrospect it was perhaps unethical of me though, I would say that I made a fair compromise by not divulging any names*
~ actions speak louder than words ~
Cyren.
